Bottled up inside

I don't know why I'm affected by you or why I even bother with you but it just seems like it might be worth something. I don't know why I bother reading the things you write. I don't know how I can stand being in this position watching all this just fall into place. And so much for being a gal pal. I really wished you suck it up and just come talk to me. No, you pushed yourself further away. No matter how many times I, no we, tried to push you back in and tried to make you happy and more accepted, you just go against. If you didn't like it you could have just told me. It could have save the time and effort. And if you didn't want us to push you back in, you didn't have to make a fuss about it. If we go out without you, even after you have been invited but you rejected coming, you get mad. I defend you during situations like this and maybe I've defended you more than you deserve. Well, I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. I'm mad at you and I've never had the courage to say that to your face but for now I'll just say it here. I'm mad at you and trust me when I say that this is not the first time I'm mad at you. You're always the one mad at me and it feels like i'm always the one at fault but has it ever occurred to you that you could be the one who's wrong? I have more things to say to you but I just don't know how to put it in words. I guess that's all I've got for now. I don't know who you are to me now. I guess time will tell.