We're in the midst of our insecurities

I hate it that we're fighting
But you're still happy
Texting her?
I'm just assuming
I guess my insecurities are taking over
Leave me if you must
Because you lie
And I lie
You trust her more than
You trust me
I'm protecting myself
From you
From getting hurt
From being abandoned
By you
We had our time
But now it's over
Time will heal
And you'll move on.

Time will heal

If you're done with me, then it's done. I know it's within a matter of time before you open the door and take a step out. If you don't trust me, don't think I could handle you messaging her, just because you think I'll get mad? I may not like her but I won't get mad cause I trust you. You lie to me. What am I suppose to do? I trust you. But do you? And I cannot not expect too much. I expected you to text me, and explain better. I expect you to come up to me, instead of walking away as fast as you can. I expect you to make me want to stay. I've been waiting for you to do something out of the box to keep me. No, I shouldn't expect. I know. Maybe it's our time to end.

When reality hits you right in the face

Too fast into the future

It's 2.11am, I'm watching As Told By Ginger, and I realized how much I miss being a child. I used to watch the show all the time and I never miss it. So it seems like my childhood days are over. I'm a teenager with school work, O' levels around the corner, hormones that make your emotions go wild and having responsibilities way over what I expected. I'm tired, of everything I have to go through with. But there are good times too. The worst is that, at the end of this year, I'm leaving IJ. That's the worst.

Ticking bomb

I have no time left to have fun. Homework is on my nerves and it's making me panic as time passes by. It's like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. What I fear most is having amaths tomorrow. Somehow, I have a strong feeling I'm going to get yelled at. Plus, I found out I have to do 4 amaths school papers, not two. Kill me, just do it.

And you're the only one who can save me

I had a choice in this relationship, the easy way or the hard way. I didn't know choosing the easy way would hurt so badly. You have no idea how much it hurts me to make this decision. I know I've hurt you so much that you could hate me. I hurt you so much, you could have walked away from me. But you stayed with me. But in doing this, you are hurting yourself, and if i could, I would take it back and be happy with you again. Being by your side, keeping you safe and always protecting you. I would have never hurt you. You never fail to make me happy, always putting me first. Now the thought of losing you just kills me. Crying ever night, without fail. How much this situation hurts me right now. I miss you every second, without fail. I think of you everyday, without fail. Sometimes I would forget we do not belong to each other anymore, and thought, I will get to see my baby and know that my day would already be worth living. If you have to let me go, do it. I won't make you go through this any longer. If it was a different time, we would be perfect. Time is not on my side. I love you, I never stop loving you.

Surprise with you

I know this may sound stupid that I'm getting all worked up about something that doesn't seem like such a big deal to you but it does to me. The text I gave you wasn't just some text I came up with within a minute, I put a lot of thought to tell you how I feel. You can't even reply to that? Just a simple message back to me? No, you can't. I guess you were too busy playing with pool water and being surrounded by your juniors. I can't explain how mad I am, but I can't stay mad at you forever. But what I can't let go if how hurt I am by you today. I won't let this go so easily. You turn me down. You can't even send me a short text saying that you will reply me later if you're busy. Whatever, I'm done waiting. I'm not going to hear your excuses.

Running away

I'm leaving for Philippines in less than 5hours or so so. I'm not fully packed. I've been having a lot of things on my mind and I don't think I really know what to do. I feel so screwed. This year is suppose to be a great smooth sailing year for me. With school and friends. But school seems to make me so nervous and so scared for exams. And friends, well I don't think I can fully explain how I feel about that. The more I think about these problems, the more I feel like running away from it. Sometimes, I don't think I can do it anymore. Well, i'm off to finish packing.

I'm awake at 357am now and an hour and a half from now I need to get ready for school. I'm thinking whether I should sleep or just pass the time by. I miss watching BOF. I really do. Maybe I'll watch it during June holidays. Malay o'levels is in a 3months away? Or so so.. Mel's birthday yesterday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA!!!!! wishing you all the best! I love you girl!

abc

im kinda pissed off that my glasses have not arrived. errr... and like if im not wrong it was done like last wednesday. its not like i want it so badly but its really late... that was basically my weekend, going for religious class and waiting for the arrival of my glasses at my aunts house.

Saturday i woke up at 8am and bathe then head to ma aunts house. did a little homework there before heading to class with my three younger cousins. only 3 of my close friends from class came this week.. but we had fun anyways. from the start, the boys have got on my nerves but when i chat with them, wow they pissed me off. could they get any more annoying. J says im mean to them. my teacher gave us her wedding invitations and we all planned to get her a wedding gift. the whole class plans to meet up before class the week after next to get the her gift but like umm ill be having self awareness camp so sorry guys!

i miss all my friends and i cant wait to see them tomorrow.

Calling all bitches

M- I miss you so much bestie. Need your retard in my life right now.
ILLs- I need you tender loving care small friend.
RACHY- Babykins, avatar salute to you!
RACHL- pork hunk, come and give me a tiny hug.
EUNs- bitch girl, you get me high.
CHRIS- my white fair friend. Stop hanky panky with shen.
MEL- we need some M&S time soon. You need to update me on gossips;)
J- I miss you, you annoying retard.

Sometime to come

It's hard to think that someday you know it will all end and you know that when that day ends, you'll end up in tears and sorrow. But what if it doesn't. What if it last longer than you except. Making it a wonderful and memoriable experience. You got through all your ups and downs and surviving every single one of those moments. You know you did. You achieve what others thought you would fail. You did it. And at that moment, you know that it was all worth taking a chance for.

Quick

The week is almost over before I could take the time to enjoy it and appreciate it. Well, I had the bestest week. It started from the week before. Had EUN's and MEL's confirmation then J sent me home. Monday just got better cause mrs K didn't come. Got home late cause had practical. Tuesday, mrs K didn't come again and we had thanks giving mass in the morning. 5periods of Malay. Haha, I love my cikgu!! Annaliza the best! Wednesday I found out mrs K won't be coming for the whole week. She had an operation. Hope you're okay mrs K! 4/8 truly miss you. Had health check up during pe. Oh and pe was after recess. Haha. Then after school, studied with J. Sent me home again after that. Thursday was J's birthday! Had a surprise party for her after that. Got to spend time with J and her family. Had the funniest time. Cake on faces and kiddy palace after that. J sent me home after that. Friday had Malay intensive. Tiring! That's about it. I'm too lazy to get into details.

Please

I miss you so much, no words can decribe it. To tell you what I feel seems the hardest thing for me to do. I don't want to hurt you by making you wait but yet I feel it is hurting you. I guess I've been thinking of how I feel and never gave a thought about how you feel. I'm trying to understand. Truly I am. I hope I have everything I need to say to you by tomorrow. Just wait one more day.

.....

And now God has given me a sign and I'm speechless. I think of what I going to do and I may not do what I truly want to but it might be for the best. But I'm giving it more thought because I don't want to reject after I've made my decision. I need you to be patient with me. I haven't fully thought thinks out yet.